Polyamory 101: What Is It, Anyway?

So recently we had an article on polyswinging. Back up. Let's start with "traditional" polyamory. As you might know, we're relatively silent about polyamory.

Why? Mostly because many of us don't have the time, energy or lack of jealously to open the relationship up. However, we're open minded thinkers and encourage you to consider the possibilities. As long as everything is consensual and involves amazing sex, it's good. Erica Grigg, our Chief Lust Officer, reports.

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So let's start off with this: there are several myths about polyamory. These are included below. They were aided by O.M. Grey's myths about polyamory post.

• Polyamorous people have group sex. This isn't necessarily true. In most cases, couples have sex individually (i.e. as separate couple). Plus, this is more the realm of swingers (who enjoy group sex).
• Sex all the time. That's not always true. Obviously, there's a certain level of intimacy needed to keep a relationship going. But consider, if you have 2 lovers (like Jaiya talked about in her Strange Sex episode, for example) versus 10 lovers, you're likely going to be having a different amount of sex. It just makes sense that way.
• Something must be wrong with your marriage/ relationship. Actually, your relationship has to be pretty good to open it up. Think about your significant other visiting a strip club. You know that jealousy? Multiply that by 10. That's why I personally haven't tried it. (But maybe you might!)
• It's only about sex, or it's only about love. So, as Jaiya said about her relationship with her two lovers (who were raising a wonderful baby, by the way), that she loved them both. They were intimate because they were in love and that seems to be the bi-product of love. So it definitely wasn't just about the sex or love. It was both.

Now, more on what is polyamory?

According to Wikipedia, Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor/love) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Many contend that it is distinct from both swinging (which often emphasizes sex with others as merely recreational) or with polysexuality (which is attraction towards multiple genders and/or sexes).

Polyamory, often abbreviated as poly, is often described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy. The word is sometimes used in a broader sense to refer to sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic.

However, according to Pyschology Today, polyamory is more like, "A philosophy of loving that asks us to surrender to love. Polyamory leads us to ask, 'What is the most loving and authentic way I can be present with these people and with myself at this time?'" Coming at it from this perspective, we might find something a little more relationship-focused versus the love/sex paradigm.

According to Robyn Trask, the Executive Director of Love More (a non-profit dedicated to polyamory) an openly Polyamorous individual and sex coach, Polyamory is more about having, "many loves".

Of course, I'm my definitions have a bias as a monogamous individual. As someone who isn't polyamorous, but has multiple poly friends, I've seen various aspects of being poly without the need to adapt. From my perspective, polyamory is about individuals consciously, consensually making multiple relationships for the purposes of love and sex.

This is post by Erica Grigg, our Founder and Chief Lust Officer. She's a writer, marketer, social entrepreneur and sex geek. She founded GetLusty for Couples to end boring sex. 

If you don't see Erica riding around downtown, Chicago in her beach cruiser or at a diner with her adoring husband. You'll also find her chatting up the tech community about the importance of sex and love in marriage. Follow Erica on Twitter @ericagrigg or subscribe via Facebook, Google+ and LinkedIn.

Want to connect about business partnership with a woman-run business that cares? E-mail me directly at erica@getlusty.com.

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