Role Play Alert! Being the Other Woman: a How-to Guide

When I first read this article, I didn't think it was GetLusty material, honestly. We're all about monogamy. Then again, we've talked openly about if you have cheated on your spouse. Well, what about the other woman? When your husband or significant other cheats, how does that feel? And how does it feel from the other womans' perspective? Ever wonder what that other woman was thinking?

Our Shannon Ray is here to talk about being the other woman, and making it work. A side note here is that we don't condone cheating. We think it should never come to that point. If you both have your 5 pillars of an amazing sexual relationship, we want to keep you both together. But if it does, shouldn't you know what the other woman is thinking?!

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Make this a role play scene

Ever consider creating a fantasy for one night? How about where you are cheating on your partner, but want to be safe? Consider going out for a night and re-creating these activities. You may feel surprisingly different--like you're with an extra special version of your spouse. You could even get a hotel of you live together. It might be crazy, but sometimes being a little crazy can be the glue that keeps you together. Consider how fun an extra marital activity is to so many. Could you ever cheat on your spouse with... your spouse? Read on and do tell us if you've done this successfully!

What do you call a someone who has lots of meaningless sex and never has to do her partners laundry? The other women. 


Being the other women is, at times the perfect sexual situation. You get treated like a lady, have as much sex as time permits, and never have to touch their laundry. But on the other hand, you have to put up with being ‘Plan B’ in someone’s romantic scheme. There are the cryptic text messages that that only the two of you understand, the hushed phone calls at 2 am, and the empty bed most weeknights.


Having an affair with someone attached isn't publicly or ethically a ‘nice’ thing to do. After all, who likes being cheated on? And however you look at it; you are enabling a cheater to cheat. This is one of the reasons for making sure that your affair remains for all intents and purposes meaningless. It can be fun but meaningless, erotic but meaningless, entertaining but meaningless, but in the end, meaningless. (Get the hint!)

My attitude is if you're going to do it, for goodness-sake make sure to do it well. This is not a time to be timid or coy. But beware: you are playing with fire nonetheless! It is persuasive, it is amusing, it keeps you warm at night, but you can all get badly burned.

Love don’t live here

Choose someone who makes you feel sexy; makes you laugh; is good in bed but not one you would fall in love with. So whenever this feelings start to bubble to the surface, remember the annoying way they talk with their mouth full or something just as terrible. Because the moment you fall, you’re a goner. This is about feeling good, not about feeling pain.

Keep it light

Your time with lover is limited, so make it memorable. Light the candles put on Marvin Gay and "Let's Get It On". Make it an "affair to remember". Don’t dwell on the situation. You’re both adults and have come to a conclusion that this is what you want. Make it memorable. Accept Flowers, But Not Hearts: Major ground rule: make it clear that you want their bodies, their company, their attention and their time; not their heart. Jewelry and flowers will do nicely in replacement of.

Mr. Telephone man

Let them call/text/instant message/e-mail your. This is to your advantage. They’ll have the time and the privacy, and hopefully nothing else on their agenda. You can both enjoy the phone call without any strain or stress. But also remember not to wait by the phone/computer. You have a life also, and it doesn’t revolve around them.

Never complain, never explain

It's your life, so keep it that way. Make it clear that they are only a part of it. The rule of thumb is that as soon as someone becomes part of your private life, then you never tell them about any other aspect of your private life.

Get steamy, not seedy

Have showers together, have baths together, but unless that's what you and lover are into, what happens in the bathroom, stays in the bathroom . The line between intimacy and familiarity should never be crossed.

Other Skills: Be a Goddess in every aspect. And if your not, fake it. Can't cook? Order out for fabulous meals that will stimulate both the palette and the libido. Give a good massage? Learn to give a great one with classes or how-to manuals. And learning to give a massage is a skill every femme should have. Anyone can have sex, but very few women can release knots in the trapeziums.

A circle of friends

I know, we all love our friends; some more than others. But it's never a really good idea to start up an affair to remember with married friend. Let alone a married friend who is married to one of your friends. Intense flirting is allowed but never more! And speaking of friends, if you have to blab to someone that you've crossed to border into mistreesshood, make sure that you tell someone who is not in your circle of friends. This is also a must. Eventually, someone finds out and it's all downhill from there. . If you absolutely must share your private life with someone, then only ever tell a girlfriend who knows you but not him.

End it too soon

It takes an enormous amount of self-discipline to end an affair while it is still good. However, it is far better to look back on something which has always been good for both of you, than it is to have your most recent memories bad ones. In many respects the best affairs are time limited.

If you do it, do it well!

Having an this type of affair suits a lot of women at some stage in their lives. It is fun, it is flattering, it is the most wonderful way of rebuilding damaged self-confidence. It also gives you a great sense of your own power. And above all, it involves lots of sex, and you never have to do their laundry.

Shannon Andrews-Ray has been interested and active around sex blogging for years. She loves talking, thinking about and researching sex. So, of course, she's the perfect GetLusty writer!

“I was raised by a tribe of drag queens. They taught me how to be fierce with a pen and lip-gloss,” often jokes writer Shannon Andrews-Ray. Having dated both sexes for nearly 15 years, Shannon gives an ‘Alice through the Looking Glass’ spin on the often hilarious mating habits of both men and women, through her various incarnations of her dating columns. “Love’s Frosting” is her most recent tumble. Want to get in touch? E-mail her here.

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