2 Quick Things Not to Forget for Better Intimacy

There are so many ways we get out of touch with our partners. During this time of the year, we can sometimes forget how important it is to re-connect with our partners. In the midst of new year's resolutions, we might forget love. No, no says GetLusty! Thank goodness our friend Devi Ward, our friend and also a Tantra expert, is back with some quick pick-me-up's for couples.

* * *

What’s the secret to ongoing intimacy, in and out of the bedroom? Most couples agree that they feel more emotionally, mentally, and physically connected with each other, after a good romp in the sack. But generally that yummy feeling of mutual connection begins to wane over time, overwhelmed by all the pressing details of home, work, kids, etc.

Feelings of disconnection can also lead to arguments and fights, which can make it more difficult for couples to find their way back to mutual sexual desire and passion for one another. So what’s the secret to couples maintaining a more intimate connection in and out of the bedroom? Below are two quick recommendations:

#1 Take time to breath

It is a well documented fact that when 2 or more people breath together at the same rate and the same pace, their heartbeats will literally synchronize. Wow! Just by harmonizing your breath, you harmonize your heartbeats, creating a powerful emotional and physical connection. Just imagine how you would relate to one another from this deeply connected, mutual experience. You may find yourselves being on the same “wavelength” mentally, emotionally, and physically, leading to more of that life-enriching sensual connection that so many couples crave.

So how do you have this experience on a regular basis? It’s easy:

First step is have the man (or more masculine of the 2 partners) sit in a comfortable upright position on a chair or the couch, with their back supported. Have the woman, or more feminine/smaller partner sit in their lap, face to face. Make eye contact and smile.

Next, place your left palm on your partners chest, and make a heart to heart connection Now – watch the rise and fall of your partners breathing pattern, and match it. Once you have the breathing pattern established, count 21 breaths silently together. Then proceed to alternate or circular breathing, followed by The Ocean Breath. Now watch how your connection transforms.

I invite you to practice this 3-4x’s a week for the next 6 weeks, and observe the radical transformation it makes in your feelings of love, connection, and passion over time.

#2 Express yourself

The number one killer of romance in my opinion? Unexpressed emotions between partners. Small, seemingly insignificant hurts, irritations, even unexpressed desires, can build over time, creating a subtle but perceptible wall of resentment between couples. Nothing deters the free-flowing joy of open-hearted connection more quickly than resentments built from unspoken truths. Find ways to communicate your feelings responsibly, and learn to effectively “process” your emotions as a couple.

I recommend using the compassionate communication platform of Non-Violent Communication, developed by Dr. Marshall Rosenberg.

Devi Ward is an International Authentic Tantra Educator & Sensual Empowerment Coach. Devi has been on a path of Erotic Awakening and Spiritual Embodiment since 1993, studying meditation, holistic healing arts, and alternative forms of erotic expression. Devi has been a Professional Sensual Movement Artist since 1992.

Devi is the Founder of Feminine Emergence and creator of Sacred Erotic Dance™; a Movement-Healing modality that uses The 5 Core Pelvic Movements™, Authentic Tantra™ & Sensual Dance, to produce physical, emotional and spiritual healing in our relationship to sexual and sensual self-expression.

Her first book “Shake Your Soul Song! A Woman’s Guide To Self-Empowerment Through The Art of Self-Pleasure” is out on Amazon now. Also find more about her online tantra tutorials. Follow Devi on Twitter @deviwardtantra and on Facebook.

You have read this article Communication / intimacy / self care / self love / sexually intimate with the title Communication. You can bookmark this page URL https://tangocupcakees.blogspot.com/2013/01/2-quick-things-not-to-forget-for-better.html. Thanks!

Sex Positive Parenting 101: How to Teach Children About Consent

It's easy for us to discuss sex and consent with other adults, but children are difficult. That might be an understatement for all of you parents out there. Sex-positive relationships don't only apply only to the grown-ups. Your kids need to know this stuff too. As awkward as it may feel, you need to protect your children from the dangers of this world. They need to know how to say "no" – what is appropriate and what is not. Airial Clark, the Sex Positive Parent, shares some first-hand advice on sex-positive parenting.

* * *

Being a sex-positive parent

Being a sex-positive parent means believing that consent is the basis of all sexual activity. There will be times when you want to be sexually intimate with someone and there will be times when you don't. There are times when it's appropriate to act on sexual desire and there are times when it's not. We have to empower our children to say yes and no.

One of the many purposes of being a sex-positive parent is to protect our kids. Since we know the difference between ‘good sex’ and ‘bad sex’ we can teach our children to know that difference. Every parent who wants to protect their child has to have the conversation with them about their right to say "no" to unwanted touching and that if someone does touch them in an unwanted way they need to tell you. I had to have that conversation with my sons when they were 3 years old. Three. Let that sink in. I had to warn my children that someone may try to do something to them against their will. Let me tell you how angry that made me.

The sex-negative culture

How unfair and wrong those conversations are; yet, totally necessary because we live in a sex-negative culture where victims of sexual assault get shamed and blamed while predators get excused and ignored because our cultural understanding of sex is mired in shame, violence and oppression. I also had to tell them that if someone did violate them it was not their fault. I had to tell them that even if they were too afraid to say no, it still isn’t their fault and to never be afraid to tell me, that I would never be mad at them. And we’ve had these conversations over and over and over. Every time they start a new school year, every time they join an after school program, every time they spend the night at a friend’s house.

Children can’t give consent. Plain and simple. This is why we all need to call out media outlets that mislabel sexual assault and rape crimes as “Sex Scandals”. Sex means consent. Anything else is something else and we have lots of very technical names for those.

Our sexual health

So yes, an understanding of sexuality based on mutual pleasure and desire is what we want to impart to our children. This is more than just biological urges. This is the role that sexuality plays in our identities, it is the social reality of how sexual desire is expressed, it is how we view ourselves and each other with compassion. Our sexual health is just as important as our physical and mental health, and we can model that as parents.

The easiest way to go about this is to not be an abusive creep. The next easiest is not to be a hateful, misogynist homophobe. Then you go up a level if you just don’t know what to say and when to say it, so you don’t say anything… see? There are varying degrees of sex-negativity that parents can fall into. When do we start being sex-positive? When we take the time to have the awkward conversations, when we share our lived experiences, when we don’t shame our children, when we discuss consent.

Cross posted with permission from Airial Clark's blog.

Airial Clark is a San Francisco Bay Area based parenting expert and sexologist. She completed her master’s degree in Sexuality Studies by conducting original research on race, parenting and alternative sexuality in 2012, all while raising her two sons as a single parent. Airial is a contributing writer and content expert for several award-winning media outlets including Plaid for Women, the Good Vibrations Magazine, Shades Magazine, Oakland Local, and Fearless Press. You can download her Quick Start Guide to Sex-Positive Parenting at thesexpositiveparent.com

You have read this article airial clark / Communication / parenting / sex positive / sex positive parenting / sexual communication with the title Communication. You can bookmark this page URL https://tangocupcakees.blogspot.com/2013/01/sex-positive-parenting-101-how-to-teach.html. Thanks!

How to Avoid Fights Through Negotiation

The holiday season can be bittersweet. Couples spend a lot of money on Christmas (an average of $271 per child member, for example). Time spent with family and other issues can result in arguments. Don't get us wrong. Every couple argues. In fact, arguing can be very healthy for a relationship. But how to communicate effective--argue better--is really the key. Drs. Chuck and Jo Ann Bird are sexologists and counselors so they know a thing or two about effective communication in the context of couples. Want to communicate better with your partner? Read on.

* * *

Saying that communication is the key to a healthy relationship is like saying that an engine is a relatively important part of your car. It really shouldn’t need to be said, anymore.

But knowing that and acting on it are two different experiences. If communicating well was such an easy thing for couples, then why do so many couples have trouble doing it? The truth is that speaking from the heart is one of the most difficult things we do. When we have disagreements with the ones we love, it can lead to very emotional conversations and arguments. Of course, we are only upset because we care and it matters to us how our loved ones feel. Nonetheless, it is easy to get caught up in strong emotions and actually fail to communicate our needs in a way that will generate a positive response from our partners.

That’s why we recommend to our patients learning an important skill: negotiation. To negotiate means to discuss something in order to reach an agreement, confer. Whether you knew it or not, you probably use negotiation skills on a daily basis, however, these skills become especially important when you are in a relationship that you want to thrive. Here are some basic negotiation skills that you can start using today:

#1 First, go into the discussion with the mind set of making it a “win/win”, instead of trying to convince your partner to give in to what you want. Remember, you’re a team. Thus, when one person loses, the whole team loses.

#2 Be clear and state what you want.

#3 Focus your request on behavior changes.

#4 Try not to immediately say “No.” Instead, make a counter offer.

#5 Be willing and open to compromise. This means both of you must be willing to surrender something you want.

#6 Continue until you reach an agreement with which you both feel comfortable.

#7 Honor the agreement.

Here’s how it sounds when we do it poorly and when we do it right:

Not using negotiation:

Husband: “I want to go out with my friends on Friday nights.”

Wife: “FINE! You ALWAYS want to spend more time with them anyway!”

Using basic negotiation:

Husband: "I want to go out with my friends on Friday nights.”

Wife: “I want to spend time with you on Friday nights. Instead of every Friday, how about you go out with your friends one Friday night a month?”

Husband: “I want to spend time with you too, but I also like to spend time with my friends. How about I go out with them every other Friday night?

Wife: “Okay, just as long as we spend quality time together on our Friday nights.”

The difference in those two examples is the tone and the manner in which the disagreement was addressed. The first example showed someone who wanted to communicate a disagreement with her partner’s plan to go out, but it was all emotion with no path to a solution. The second example showed she could still communicate the same disagreement, but in a way that promoted a compromise that ended with a positive outcome. He is able to spend some time with his friends, while she secured the quality time that she wanted with her husband.

All this skill requires is the ability to step back and think for a moment before you respond. It’s perfectly natural to feel strong emotions with regard to your partner. However, by communicating your viewpoint the right way, you can actually convey how you feel in a way that can leading to solving the dispute instead of escalating it to become a bigger one.

If you think you’d like to learn more about these kinds of communication skills, please contact us and we can “negotiate” a consultation.

Drs. Chuck and Jo-Ann Bird and are Board Certified Clinical Sexologists and Relationship Counselors. They co-counsel couples together which offers a unique and balanced male/female perspective and a combined therapy/coaching approach to helping their clients with a variety of relationship and sexual issues/concerns. Due to our last name and work they do, they've become known as “The Love Birds”. They have 16 + years of personal experience in a healthy, loving and successful relationship. We know how to solve problems and work through difficulties that couples may face on a daily basis. We know ways to keep relationships strong and healthy. We offer you tools and strategies that can make positive changes in your relationship. Find out more about Chuck. Alternatively, find out more about Jo-Ann. Also, follow them on Twitter and 'Like' them on Facebook.

You have read this article arguing / Communication / couples / Marriage with the title Communication. You can bookmark this page URL https://tangocupcakees.blogspot.com/2013/01/how-to-avoid-fights-through-negotiation.html. Thanks!

Top 14 Traits of a Dominant

Do you know what it takes to be a dominant? Exchanging power in a relationship can both highten your awareness of power, and can make you both appreciate each other. Why not try out a little bit of dominance or role play? Not familiar with BDSM yet? No worries! Here are a few articles that will get you all caught up: Negotiation 101 and Getting Started with BDSM. Master Anakin, from Journey to the Darkside, defines 14 traits of a dominant partner.

* * *

#1 Responsible 

You have to be responsible for yourself and for your submissive. You're the one responsible for developing a plan to move both of you forward in submission- a plan to grow.

#2 Energetic 

You've got to be action oriented, the opposite of lazy. You need to be tireless, or else when you have a spanking to deal with at the end of an 18 hour day, well, you've failed yourself and your submissive. Follow through or forget it.

#3 Communicative 

Be honest about your feelings. Don't give the submissive the sunshine and roses line if you're in a bad mood and are disappointed in her submission. You've got to also be able to draw out the submissive's innermost feelings, fears and hopes.

This can be extremely difficult, as the submissive can sometimes be completely unaware of their own feelings, as you can be of yours. Dig deep and be honest and you'll grow.

#4 Empathetic 

If you can't empathize with your submissive, to see things from their perspective, than how can you give them what they want and need? You must talk at length to know them better than they know themselves.

#5 Self-awareness

A Dominant is hardly perfect, and will make mistakes- don't think otherwise. Be aware of your failings, and work on them just as much as you work on your submissive's feelings. Grace and humility go a long way.

#6 Perseverance 

You must never, ever let it go; this goes hand in hand with consistency; you can't fight your submissive for three days to achieve a level of submission then just give up. You've got to push until you get a breakthrough no matter how long it takes. You can't give up or give your submissive the sense that you will ever give up in doing what is best for you both.

#7 Desire to learn

As a Dominant, you never just wake up and know it all as an instant expert on dominance, submission, implements of pain and pleasure, positions, knots, and the lifestyle. You have got to learn. Learn lots, and never ever bluff that you know it all; nobody does.

#8 Intelligence 

You need to have the emotional intelligence and raw intellect to be smarter than your submissive, at least the majority of the time. If the submissive can play you for a fool, how can you be the teacher and guide in life?

#9 Strength 

You've got to have the strength of will and leadership qualities to overcome the difficulties that always, always come your way in being a Dominant. Own them and deal with them with this strength.

#10 Interest

You've got to want to be a dominant. In my opinion, without desire or a hunger to be someone's dominant, you aren't a dom. Unless you are wanting it, you wont put in the time to learn and grow as a Dominant; to follow through on all you need to do; you'll resent it, and you won't do it well.

#11 Character  

A general quality but important nevertheless. You must have honesty, integrity, and be respectful of others at all times. If you do not then how can you expect your submissive to show you any integrity and character? How will they learn?

#12 A sense of humor 

If you can't laugh at yourself when you've just given a dominant look to your submissive and are approaching your submissive with the paddle in hand when you slip and fall on your ass from the KY you spilled on the floor, well, you just don't get it.

#13 A sense of justice, fairness, and balance 

Being a Dominant isn't barking orders and sitting on your ass eating chips while watching the game. You work hard too, harder than your submissive. If your submissive has had a day from hell, maybe it isn't the day to start a new and harsh training regimen. Knowing when to ease up is a true art; do it too much, or never, and you'll not be doing your job.

#14 Consistent

If you'll punish something one time and let it go another, what's a submissive supposed to think, or learn, or do? I'd be lost too if I didn't know what to expect day to day.

This was a guest-post from Anakin and Padme Amidala at Journey to the Dark Side. Their blog explores their life together, BDSM, erotic imagery, polyamory, and their true sexual and spanking adventures...with an awesome Star Wars theme! Anakin and Padme have been together for 15 years and married for 7 of them.

You have read this article BDSM / Communication / fifty shades / Kink with the title Communication. You can bookmark this page URL https://tangocupcakees.blogspot.com/2013/01/top-14-traits-of-dominant.html. Thanks!

5 Yoga Poses for Better Sex

This new year, health is probably an issue coming to your mind soon in the form of resolutions. But how about feeling better and enjoying a better sex life? GetLusty For Couples is totally serious about being healthy, because being healthy can give you a better sex life. This is the second in a series on using yoga for better sex. Our yogini, Lora Swarts, is here to talk about how yoga can be used to improve your sex life.

* * *

Yoga has an abundance of benefits for both your mental and physical well-being. As a yoga student myself, I have seen changes in my own body that, honestly, running never gave me. The endorphins are still there after a yoga class, however what's not there is a feeling of anxiousness. When I would run I would compete with myself. "Run faster" or "run farther" "don't walk, that is for quitters." Running which once was fun, had turned into a very competitive personal sport that I really needed to break up with. When I found yoga, my entire mindset changed. 

I have no more competitions with myself. I feel better emotionally, and I have more confidence. Yoga melts away anxiety, poor body image, and fatigue and worry. When you are free from these, then your inhibitions seem to dissolve as well, bringing you closer to better sex and orgasm. When you are connected to your inner self and spirit rather than the clutter in your head, you get closer to the present and worry less about how you are performing or what your body looks like. The sex becomes more freeing and uninhibited.

I always recommend that everyone should give yoga a shot.  Soon enough you will start to reap the benefits and your partner will too. In our last post, I recommended 5 yoga poses to help your body and mind get in better shape for sex. Now I am back with 5 more poses! Try doing these with your partner for a little added fun before you head to the bedroom.



#1 Cat/Cow

Cat/cow pose is a simple warm-up that engages your pelvic muscles. When you are doing cat/cow you strengthen your Kegel muscles, the ones that contract during orgasm.

To do cat/cow pose:

Come into a table top position with your shoulders over wrists and your hips directly over your knees. Inhale (cow) drop your belly, lift your chest up away from your belly and extend your tailbone toward the sky. Exhale (cat pose), press into your hands, round your back like a cat, gently contract your abdominal muscles. Repeat these moves six times.

#2 Plank pose

Plank pose helps strengthen core and abdominal muscles.

To do plank pose or as my yoga teacher says, "plankasana":

Stack your shoulders over your wrists. Keep your body flat as a board. Press back through your heels. Hold plank pose for 30 seconds and rest for 15 seconds and repeat for another 30 seconds. The yogi push up, also known as, chaturanga, is also very important in strengthening your arm muscles because they require lots of control. To do a chaturanga, come forward onto your toes, bend your elbows (keeping them close to your ribcage) and lower half way down creating a 90 degree angle with your arms. Hold in this low push up for a few seconds, without letting your body collapse. To rest, come down to your stomach and rest with one ear on your mat. Doing planks and yogi push ups will get your arms toned and ready for any sexy position in your future!

#3 Cobra 

Cobra pose, is a heart opener pose. Heart openers connect to our heart chakras. Love, energy, and breath come from the heart chakra and therefore this pose indirectly connects to our sexual intimacy. Its an energizing, mild back bend too. So when you are feeling too tired, try a few cobras to open your heart and awaken your sexual energy!

To do cobra:

You can enter cobra after lowering from plank pose, or just get right into on its own. Lie on your belly with your palms facing down, close to your low ribs. Draw your legs together and press the tops of your feet into the floor. Press your hands down evenly as your draw your elbows close to the sides of your body. On an inhale, using the strength of your back, not the force of your hands, lift your chest off the mat and draw your shoulders away from your ears. Gaze slightly in front of your mat to keep your head, neck and spine aligned. This pose comes from your lower back, so release the tension in your glutes. Hold this pose for about 10 seconds, then gently release to the floor. Do three sets of cobra pose.


#4 Utkata Konasana or Goddess pose

Who doesn't want to feel like a goddess in this victory squat? This pose strengthens your glutes, thighs, quads and abdominal muscles. You will feel strength from your insides, out.

To do goddess pose:

Stand at the top of your mat. Step to the right, opening your legs about three feet apart. Turn your heels in and your toes out. Bend your knees until you are in a wide squat and your thighs are parallel to the ground. Ensure that your knees are directly over your ankles so adjust your stance if you need to. Bring your hands to prayer position. Hold here for 5 focused, deep breaths.

#5 Bound angle pose

Baddha Konasana, or bound angle pose, opens up the thighs and groins while increasing blood flow to your genitals.

To do Baddha Konasana:

Sit with your legs out in front of you. Bend your knees, draw your heels as close to your pelvis as possible and bring the soles of your feet together. Allow your knees to open. Always keep the outer edges of your feet planted on the floor. Grasp your big toes with your thumb, index and middle fingers.  Don't force your knees open, rather release the heads of your thigh bones to the floor and your knees will follow. Your pelvis should be in a neutral position and your perineum parallel to the floor. Hold for 1-5 minutes. To release, on an inhale, slowly bring your knees together and straighten your legs out in front of you.

Try these five yoga poses to gain some strength, confidence and better circulation. Do these poses in a row to create a mini yoga sequence that you can do anywhere! Add in some downward facing dogs and child's pose when you need to rest.

Namaste!

Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing or editing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or hanging out with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo. Have any questions? Email her at Lora@GetLusty.com!

You have read this article anatomy / better sex / Communication / Health / heart health / lora swarts / sexual exploration / sexual health with the title Communication. You can bookmark this page URL https://tangocupcakees.blogspot.com/2012/12/5-yoga-poses-for-better-sex.html. Thanks!

5 Unexpected Things to Learn from BDSM Relationships

When most people think of BDSM relationships they don't imagine happy and fulfilling relationships. Many think about kinky sex and debauchery. The truth is, some couples find beautiful and loving fulfillment in a BDSM relationship. It can teach you the often forgotten fundamentals of being in a relationship. GetLusty writer Crimson Love reports on the five ways BDSM can teach you a thing or two about your own relationship.

* * *

#1 Negotiation and compromise 

In a BDSM relationship, negotiation and compromise is key. If you have hard limits (things you will not do under any circumstance) there is no compromise. However, soft limits can often be negotiated and compromised as well as punishments. In "vanilla" relationships, you can use compromise when it comes to household responsibilities like taking out the garbage. You can even use negotiation for date nights. The best part is you can make negotiation and compromise fun and sexy. If you scratch my back, I'll lick your... But to an extent, BDSM relationships have to use this.

#2  Patience

Patience is important when you are a submissive who is learning or a dominant who is teaching. You must learn the rules and schedules. You have to be patient with your lover during times of turbulence and times of happiness. Be patient when things like chores aren't finished right away. You're love for one another will grow. Of course, as long as you communicate, you'll both be all the better for it.

#3 Discipline 

This is extremely important. A submissive must display disciplined behavior in accordance with their rules and contract. You can't act however you please. The same goes for a dominant. You must have discipline when it comes to the care for your sub. In a vanilla relationship, you have be disciplined as well. You must realize that you can't do whatever you want. You have to always take your partner into consideration.

#4 Trust 

Trust is the biggest part of a BDSM relationship for both parties. As a submissive, you must trust that your dominant will take care of you and not cross your limits. As a dominant, you must trust that your submissive will be faithful and honor your relationship--both publicly and privately. It's not any different in a vanilla relationship. Trust is a two-way street that must be maintained. When you cultivate trust, your relationship is healthier and happier.

#5 Worth 

A healthy BDSM relationship is good for reminding you about your worth. In BDSM relationships, you are reminded of your worth through each others actions, need for each other and praise. The same goes for vanilla relationships. When your lover motivates you and pushes you to do your best, your self-worth improves.

Take a few notes from BDSM relationships. Of course, not every relationship is perfect. But if we all work to make improvements in our own relationships--we can all be better! Because in the end, it's all about the love and happiness between partners.



This is a post by GetLusty writer Crimson Love. Crimson is our resident fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com.

You have read this article advice / BDSM / Communication with the title Communication. You can bookmark this page URL https://tangocupcakees.blogspot.com/2012/12/5-unexpected-things-to-learn-from-bdsm.html. Thanks!

How to Stop Pissing Off Your Partner

Pesky holidays! They can get so testy, can't they? You end up arguing with your partner for no reason. One of you hasn't wrapped a present, or forgot to make reservations or some other silly reason. Or you come home with a heap of stress from another situation and you take it out on your partner. Then what? Here comes trouble! When taking these issues in stride, Dr. Jenn helps us think about helpful solutions. How about stop pissing off your partner by listening? Want to stop pissing off your partner? Read on.

* * * 

Some of the most common gender differences I see in relationships regard communication styles. For example, it is not uncommon for a woman to want to talk through things and vent about her concerns. However, many men interpret this as a request to fix the situation.

Vent, gather info or fix?

It makes sense -- if someone we love is hurting and tells us that, why wouldn’t we want to do what we can to “fix” it? But interestingly, the woman often becomes irritated because she says he isn’t listening to her or is trivializing her concern. And the man gets annoyed, because he thinks she isn’t taking his advice to make the situation better.

If you recognize this pattern in your relationship, what can you do about it? The best approach is to be clear about your expectations from the start. For example, if everyday when you get home from work you like to tell you partner about what happened and share your frustrations, state up front what you’re looking for.

“Hi, hon. Can I just vent about my day? You don’t have to do anything. I just need you to listen.” And if you’re on the receiving end you could say, “I noticed I’m getting really irritated listening right now and frustrated that I can’t do anything. Do you want me to help you fix this problem, or do you just want me to listen?” This will make a big shift in communication and avoid hurt feelings.

I think there can also be a third category, depending on your personality. Sometimes people share stories and ask questions because they are on a “fact finding” mission. They want to gather perspectives so they can come to a more informed decision for themselves. So recognize this as a middle area, and clearly state your intentions for the conversation.

“I don’t need to vent, but I’m also not looking for a fix. I’m curious about your ideas around this topic just so I can gather information.” With this clarity, the partner who is giving the feedback will be less likely to feel discouraged if you don’t take their advice.

Like developing any new habit, it can take time to create this new pattern of interaction. Being clear about your intentions and expectations is a great practice in transparency. In the long run, we’re much more likely to get our needs met when we own them and articulate them from the start.

Jennifer "Dr. Jenn" Gunsaullus, Ph.D., is a sociologist who works as a sexuality and mindfulness speaker, and a relationship and intimacy counselor. She specializes in helping women, couples, and groups deepen intimacy, strengthen communication, and improve trust and self-expression.

Dr. Jenn got her start in the sex and relationship field 19 years ago as a sexual health peer educator at Lehigh University in her home state of Pennsylvania. She now merges her practical training in sexual health and academic training in sociology with her passion for holistic health and mind/body/spirit perspectives. Follow Dr. Jenn on twitter @DrJennsDen, or subscribe to her Facebook page. 

You have read this article arguing / Communication / Dr. Jenn / Jennifer Gunsaullus / personality / relationships with the title Communication. You can bookmark this page URL https://tangocupcakees.blogspot.com/2012/12/how-to-stop-pissing-off-your-partner.html. Thanks!

5 Relationship Tips Straight Couples Can Learn from Gay Couples

Here at GetLusty for Couples, we include all couples in our discussions, straight and gay. After all, there are few differences between straight and gay relationships, though there are also many similarities. We all share the same hardships and challenges. But--in fact, there's a thing or two straight couples could learn from gay couples. GetLusty for Couples writer, Monique Mitchell is here with some of her advice for the straight couples from the LGBTQ perspective.

* * *

Relationships can all be complicated. Difficult factors such as the lack of communication; infidelity issues; unrelated philosophies on life; and sexual incompatibility can turn a promising union to a crumbling disaster. However, according to various studies, sexual orientation may help a certain segment of the population have a greater hold on making a relationship work. In fact, here are five relationship tips that straight couples can learn from gay couples.

#1 Fight Fair

Reportedly, the amount of arguments that heterosexual couples and same-sex couples have are roughly the same. But, according to the Journal of Homosexuality, when same-sex couples argue they tend to make fewer verbal attacks and they try to defuse confrontation. Same-sex couples were also considered to be less likely to develop an elevated heartbeat and adrenaline surges during arguments. Conversely, straight couples were found to remain physically agitated after the conflict. With gay and lesbian couples, humor and affection was also stated to be used in order to allow each person to continue to talk about the issue instead of prolonging a heated argument. In addition, the journal's findings suggest that same-sex couples are better able to see the other person's point of view as well as pick the proper battles, which aids in maintaining a stronger relationship.

#2 Be Honest

Same-sex couples have the advantage in terms of honesty within their relationships. Straight men are more prone to lie about their commitment to a relationship as well as their possessions, while straight women lie to flatter a man's ego and to de-emphasize their interest in other men. Same-sex couples being more on the same wavelength, gender-wise, can make it more difficult to be deceitful regarding their motives.

#3 Don't Play the Guessing Game

Men, whether gay or straight, usually have stronger libidos than women. Comparatively, most women connect with their partners emotionally rather than sexually. The benefit of being in a relationship where both people either share sexual appetites or receive a satisfying amount of non-sexual intimacy is what helps place same-sex couples further ahead in relationships.

#4 Sex and Intimacy


In a 2011 Psychology Today article, it suggested that gay couples tend to have more sex than any other types of couples. And since women often value emotional intimacy, a lower sex drive is not usually a concern with lesbian couples. Gays and lesbians also talk more candidly about sex and monogamy, while heterosexual couples are more apprehensive when discussing sex. Frankness in a same-sex relationship sometimes can lead to a open relationship. Reportedly, men tend to compartmentalize sexual and emotional feelings. By going outside of the relationship, a gay couple with strong libidos can both accommodate their sexual desires. This type of an arrangement eliminates the threat that most other couples encounter in an unfaithful relationship.

#5 Share The Work

Equality in the home can help to reduce relationship conflict. Studies indicate that same-sex couples are more inclined to share household chores, since they are not forced into a particular role. Generally, women are expected to carry the brunt of the housework. And while two recent Norwegian studies entitled “The Study of Life Course, Generation and Gender” and "The Norwegian Life Course, Aging and Generations" indicated that seven out of ten Norwegian women were largely happy with being responsible for most of the housework, the study also stated that many of the women are older, and tend to be either unemployed or work part-time. Overall, most studies in other countries state that gender equality in the home makes couples happier, and can even lead to a more sex. By not having to do all, or the majority, of the housework, time can be freed up for intimacy and other forms of quality time.

As of January 2013, same-sex marriage will be recognized in nine states, in America. And more than 500,000 American couples are in same-sex relationships, per the Census Bureau's 2010 report. While the above factors have shown some of the advantages that same-sex couples may have over straight couples, all relationships face their share of issues. Still, the amount of communication, understanding and honesty in same-sex relationships can be a lesson to anyone who is trying to navigate their way through most relationship hurdles.

Monique Mitchell is a general article writer with a professional background in nearly everything. A native, and current resident, of Chicago, Monique has covered topics ranging from relationships and entertainment to technology and post-graduation career tips. Now focusing more on dating and relationship blogging, Monique aims to inform readers on issues around the emotional and sexual health of people in the LGBTQ community. In her spare time, Monique enjoys cooking, reading, and watching romantic comedies and "Trash TV".

You have read this article Communication / fights / gay couples / intimacy / relationship advice / Sex / straight couples with the title Communication. You can bookmark this page URL https://tangocupcakees.blogspot.com/2012/12/5-relationship-tips-straight-couples.html. Thanks!