Best of 2012! 5 Health Benefits of Orgasm

Since we got lots of love for this article, we're including it as a 2012 favorite!

Big, small, earth shattering: we love them all. I am talking about orgasms of course! Though Orgasm October is over, our whole team is thinking about orgasms. They make us feel amazing, relaxed, re-energized, happy, and sexy. Everyone loves an orgasm! Who doesn't? But, besides those awesome things, orgasms also have some great health benefits. Not only do they feel amazing but here are some ways they improve our health! Our Crimson Love reports.

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Like you ever needed an excuse to want an orgasm? Well, now you do. Below are 5 reasons you must be having orgasms regularly. Whether it's with a partner or alone, orgasms are an excellent way to touch yourself or sex yourself healthy. Anyway you spin it, orgasms are great!

Without adieu, the 5 health benefits of orgasm:

#1 Heart health

When your man cums, take it! Swallowing semen is not only good for your teeth but it is also good for your heart. Semen helps keeps plaque levels low and rigorous sex is also a great cardio workout. Have more sex and more orgasms because it helps keep your heart strong and your teeth healthy.


#2 Stress relief 

Ever notice how when you have that big "O" it feels like everything else that stresses you out just melts away? It's because of the chemicals that your brain releases, dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. They all give you happy, loving feelings. Sex for your stress, anyone?  

#3 Pain relief 

OK, so admittedly, we did just write an article about how sex can be painful. We hope this isn't the case. If you are experiencing pain in sex, do check out that article. However, if you're experiencing pain in different areas of your body, orgasm can really alleviate that pain.

How? Orgasm works similarly to stress relief when oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins are released in the body. When these chemicals are released, they increase your tolerance to pain. So, that headache that you have can feel a little better after a nice romp. No more excuses.

#4 Orgasms fight cancer

Regular sexual activity is good for your sexual organs. Regular ejaculation helps keep prostate cancer away. Similarly, regular sexual activity and orgasm is good for the vagina because it helps to keep different uterine conditions at bay. Have more sex to keep your sexual organs healthy!

#5 Better sleep 

After your orgasm, your body releases a cocktail of amazing chemicals. One of them is endorphins which not only makes you feel happy but can also have the effect of a sedative. More sex and orgasms for better sleep? Yes, please!

Having orgasms does wonders for the body and for your overall health. So, go ahead have some more.

With love from, GetLusty!

This is a guest post by our very own Crimson Love.

Crimson is our resident BDSM fetish expert. If you don't see Crimson out dining with her adoring boyfriend, you'll find her reading books on innovation or finance. Crimson is currently finishing off her Bachelor's, she is passionate about food, photography, music and especially sex--and she's not afraid to talk about it. With everyone! Have story ideas? Get in touch with Crimson at amber@getlusty.com. 

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5 Ways to Make Sex More Sensual

You've heard from GetLusty about intimacy and sensuality in sex - about intimacy before and after. So how about making the act itself - whether that's intercourse or foreplay - more sensual? Our newest writers, the cutest counseling couple we've seen recently, Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc., are here to shed light on sensuality in sex.

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When you hear the word “sensual” you are most likely going to relate it to something sexual. If someone says to you, “You should try these strawberries. They are the most sensual fruit I have ever tasted,” where does your mind go?

Does it click in on just the fact that those strawberries must have been ripened to perfection? Or does your mind instantly click to a sexy image of biting into the fruit? What if someone offers to take you on a sensual journey? The first thing that probably comes to mind is the sexual scenario implied by such an offer and not the possibility he/she was just inviting you to the local grocery and department store. That could be sensual after all – taste this food, smell that cologne, feel this fabric, hear that song, read those tabloid headlines.

Yet, isn’t doing your regular shopping something you sometimes dread. It has become boring. It feels like a chore. You just want to hurry up and get it over with because you know you need to do it, but really don’t want to. Uh oh, those descriptions might well cover something else in your life. Sex.

Sex can absolutely be animalistic and a "rip your clothes off and jump on your partner" experience, but it can be very slow and sensual too. It should never just be about taking off your clothes, getting under the covers, groping each other a couple of minutes and then bumping and grinding for a few more minutes. So, how can you explore sensuality and bring it back into your sex life? Remember that sensual means that you are gratifying the senses. Satisfying all of your desires such as seeing, touching, smelling, hearing, and tasting is where sensuality really arrives on the scene. And, guess what, satisfying your sixth sense – your intuition or spiritual self, is quite sensual too.

Here are 5 ways to make your intimate play sensual. Bonus: Call it intimate play ;) That changes it up right from the start.

#1 Focus on sensation

Wear clothing that feels good on your skin. Silk is a common suggestion here as it is cool to touch and so smooth. The feel of it brushing against your skin throughout the day can be a turn on. And, when your partner touches you through the silk that can be extremely exciting for both of you. If you don’t want to wear a sensual type of material during the day, then pick up some silk scarves or a feather or something velvety. Then you can use these different items to drag over your lover’s skin later in the evening. Focus on the sensation of the material or item touching you. It may be relaxing, tickly, or it may just have you ready to grab your lover and get busy.

#2 Light up your senses

Bring different flavors and smells into your lovemaking. One interesting way to do this is to get the Sexy Challenge: Lips Like Sugar as it offers you unique insight into trying different tastes with and/or upon your partner. Adding different flavors to your physically intimate life with your beloved can occur in a variety of ways. Food may seem like an obvious thing to bring into your lovemaking and there are many ways to do that, but don’t overlook flavored lubes as well. There are also a vast number of ways to bring in amazing aromas. Scented candles (we always recommend flameless candles for safety), lotions, colognes, lubes, and the different food items are all great ways to enhance your sensuality.

#3 Listen

What about hearing? How can you make that sensual? You could whisper sexy phrases or words of love into your partner’s ear. You could turn on music that you both enjoy and that will get you in the mood.

But what about hearing the sound of your lover’s laughter? Bringing laughter and silliness into your sex life can be an amazing experience. Just let go and be goofy together. Laughter and lightheartedness will bring powerful, playful passion into your life and hopefully, you will come to appreciate the sensuous sound of your lover’s laugh.

#4 Massage

Time for a little naked massage! Yay! This actually satisfies more than one sense. With low lighting you can visually soak up the beauty of your sweetie all oiled up and glistening, but you can enjoy the aromas of scented oils or just the animalistic smell of him/her too. With both of you naked you can take turns rubbing your hands, your feet and your entire body – yep, genitals are great massage tools too – over your lover.

#5 Focus on their pleasure

Last but not least, we highly recommend that you pay attention and be consciously aware not only during foreplay and lovemaking, but at the peak of orgasm, after you are coming down from orgasm and for the next couple of days.

How do you feel? Did you notice anything out of the ordinary – visions, images, an extreme sense of bliss or simply like you entered a void or time was suspended? Sexual orgasmic energy taps you into the creative source (call it whatever you like – the Universe, Spirit, God, the Divine or even I don’t know what it is, but it sure feels goooood). This access to creativity through orgasm is why we want you to pay attention up to a few days later to see if you are more creative, have new ideas, solve problems easier than normal or maybe you just have a bigger smile on your face and feel energized.

Use these five ways to bring more sensuality into your sex life and we believe you will transform your relationship and take your intimacy to a higher level – no matter where it is now.

We're so excited to get a couple writing for GetLusty! They're both adorable, smart and altogether wonderful!

Dr. Janelle Alex, Ph.D. and Rob Alex, M.Sc. are writers, counselors as well as Sacred and Sensual Teachers. They recently completed an eBook on "Sexy Challenges: Sacret and Sensual Experiences for Lovers" which is on sale at Amazon! Learn more about them on Sexy Challenges.

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3 Must Read Books on Women's Sexual Health

Ladies, can we talk? While the good folks at GetLusty want you and your partner to get your freak on as much as possible, we know it’s just not as awesome if your bodies aren’t feeling so great. So we’ve put together a list of books geared toward all the crazy things that go on inside those beautiful bodies. And, let’s face it, there’s a LOT going on. These books rock because they are straightforward and sex-positive. Take care of you! GetLusty writer Stephanie Vanderwall reports.

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#1 Sex Matters For Women, Second Edition: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self


By Sallie Foley, MSW, Sally A. Kope, MSW, and Dennis P. Sugrue, Ph.D.

Sex is talked about more openly today than ever before, but if you still struggle with sexual myths, self-doubt, and "embarrassing" questions, you are in good company. Now in a fully updated second edition, this trusted guide has already helped many thousands of women understand how their bodies work and take charge of their sexuality. The authors are experienced therapists who interweave candid reflections from diverse women with current, science-based information, exercises, and advice. You'll find answers to everything from how to have more satisfying sex to questions about body image, anatomy, hormones, relationships, sexual orientation, sexually transmitted infections, and trauma. If sexuality is a lifelong journey consider this book a roadmap for self-discovery and growth.

Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., author of What Your Mother Never Told You About Sex says: "This second edition takes a classic book on female sexuality to another level. It is comprehensive and grounded in research, yet fun to read alone or with a partner. With a focus on female sexual satisfaction and pleasure, this book is a 'must have' for women of all ages and backgrounds. I can't wait to share it with my daughter!"

Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., coauthor of The G Spot calls it "the most comprehensive book on women's sexual health I have ever read. The clear, positive information and the suggested exercises cover all aspects of women's sexuality and offer ways for women to take charge of their sexual selves. The second edition features new information and resources, offered in a supportive and affirming manner, which will help readers, develop sexual comfort, confidence, and satisfaction. A 'must read' for women of all ages."

#2 What’s Up Down There?: Questions You’d Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend

By Lissa Rankin, M.D.

Suppose you had a wise, warm, funny best friend—who just happened to be a gynecologist. You’re out with the girls for cocktails and the conversation turns to sex, and then to girly parts. One by one, you start asking her all the questions you’ve secretly wondered about—and discover that you have a lot in common.

If you were to write those questions down, then you’d have What’s Up Down There?, a life-changing little book that answers: Do old ladies have saggy vaginas?, How do male gynecologists have a sex life without feeling like they’re stuck at the office?, Is it normal for your inner labia to hang out of your outer labia?, Can the baby feel its mom having sex during pregnancy?, How common is it for one's boobs to be two totally different sizes? And so much more! As outrageously funny as it is empowering, this book reveals how to love yourself and your body; and will have you recommending it to every woman you know.

Diana Daffner, author of Tantric Sex For Busy Couples says: “Dr. Lissa Rankin has written a courageous book, providing information about topics that few others are willing to tackle. And when she doesn’t know the answer, she says so, giving us all the more reason to trust the answers she does give. What’s Up Down There dispels myths while reminding us of the beauty and mystery of our girl-bodies.”

“This was a really fun book to read, a real treasure trove of user-friendly information about the female body. Dr. Rankin really does come across as the reader's girlfriend, with her fun, down to earth, informal writing style…I love how the book ended with chapters on female empowerment and reclaiming ownership of your yoni. This isn't just some book of medical information; it's a gateway into learning to love the female body and to take it back from all the negative societal messages out there denigrating women and female sexuality. These really are the types of questions most women would never think to ask their gynecologist unless she were their best friend, and the kinds of dialogues that the average modern doctor doesn't have time for.” –Amazon Customer

#3 When Sex Hurts: A Woman’s Guide To Banishing Sexual Pain

By Andrew Goldstein, M.D., Caroline Pukall, Ph.D., and Irwin Goldstein, M.D.

For the 20 million women who suffer from painful intercourse: this is the first book to address the multiple causes and the available treatments. Painful sex is a condition that causes embarrassment and silence—often going undiscussed or misdiagnosed. As many as 40 percent of women that suffer from pain during sex won’t seek medical care. And most medical professionals are still in the dark when it comes to women’s sexual pain.

Now, three leading experts tackle the stereotypes, myths, and realities of sexual pain in this easy-to-understand, accessible guide that will help you get the help you need and deserve. Drs. Goldstein, Pukall, and Goldstein offer answers to your most pressing questions, as well as: up-to-date information on the more than 20 causes of sexual pain, how to choose the right doctor—and how to interpret your doctor’s lingo, valuable tips for understanding sexual pain, and what can be done about it, and how to rebuild sexual intimacy once the pain is gone. Featuring groundbreaking research and stories from women who’ve also suffered—and recovered—When Sex Hurts provides all of the tools you need to stop hurting and start healing.

Cindy Meston, Ph.D., Professor of Clinical Psychology, University of Texas at Austin, author of Why Women Have Sex calls it “the most comprehensive, accessible, and illuminating look into women’s sexual pain ever written, packed with up-to-date and invaluable information. When Sex Hurts is a must read for any woman, or partner of a woman, who has experienced painful sex.”

“I really enjoyed this book. It goes into so much detail and lets you know all the possible causes and it tells you how to talk to your doctor and working together for the best treatment. It also made me hopeful that I may not have to live with this forever and that there are treatments that are less invasive then surgery that may work. I think anyone suffering from vaginal pain should read this book!” –Amazon Reader

Stephanie Vanderwall has long believed she is a gay man trapped in a woman's body. She is a lover of good food, good sex and good grammar. A recent transplant to Chicago, she spends her free time with her super-duper-fly boyfriend and their three "kids" (2 cats, 1 dog). She has a blog she writes in every so often. She's still trying to get the whole Twitter thing down, but you can follow her @Vanderfloozie. Want to get in touch with her? Email stephanie@getlusty.com.

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5 Yoga Poses for Better Sex

This new year, health is probably an issue coming to your mind soon in the form of resolutions. But how about feeling better and enjoying a better sex life? GetLusty For Couples is totally serious about being healthy, because being healthy can give you a better sex life. This is the second in a series on using yoga for better sex. Our yogini, Lora Swarts, is here to talk about how yoga can be used to improve your sex life.

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Yoga has an abundance of benefits for both your mental and physical well-being. As a yoga student myself, I have seen changes in my own body that, honestly, running never gave me. The endorphins are still there after a yoga class, however what's not there is a feeling of anxiousness. When I would run I would compete with myself. "Run faster" or "run farther" "don't walk, that is for quitters." Running which once was fun, had turned into a very competitive personal sport that I really needed to break up with. When I found yoga, my entire mindset changed. 

I have no more competitions with myself. I feel better emotionally, and I have more confidence. Yoga melts away anxiety, poor body image, and fatigue and worry. When you are free from these, then your inhibitions seem to dissolve as well, bringing you closer to better sex and orgasm. When you are connected to your inner self and spirit rather than the clutter in your head, you get closer to the present and worry less about how you are performing or what your body looks like. The sex becomes more freeing and uninhibited.

I always recommend that everyone should give yoga a shot.  Soon enough you will start to reap the benefits and your partner will too. In our last post, I recommended 5 yoga poses to help your body and mind get in better shape for sex. Now I am back with 5 more poses! Try doing these with your partner for a little added fun before you head to the bedroom.



#1 Cat/Cow

Cat/cow pose is a simple warm-up that engages your pelvic muscles. When you are doing cat/cow you strengthen your Kegel muscles, the ones that contract during orgasm.

To do cat/cow pose:

Come into a table top position with your shoulders over wrists and your hips directly over your knees. Inhale (cow) drop your belly, lift your chest up away from your belly and extend your tailbone toward the sky. Exhale (cat pose), press into your hands, round your back like a cat, gently contract your abdominal muscles. Repeat these moves six times.

#2 Plank pose

Plank pose helps strengthen core and abdominal muscles.

To do plank pose or as my yoga teacher says, "plankasana":

Stack your shoulders over your wrists. Keep your body flat as a board. Press back through your heels. Hold plank pose for 30 seconds and rest for 15 seconds and repeat for another 30 seconds. The yogi push up, also known as, chaturanga, is also very important in strengthening your arm muscles because they require lots of control. To do a chaturanga, come forward onto your toes, bend your elbows (keeping them close to your ribcage) and lower half way down creating a 90 degree angle with your arms. Hold in this low push up for a few seconds, without letting your body collapse. To rest, come down to your stomach and rest with one ear on your mat. Doing planks and yogi push ups will get your arms toned and ready for any sexy position in your future!

#3 Cobra 

Cobra pose, is a heart opener pose. Heart openers connect to our heart chakras. Love, energy, and breath come from the heart chakra and therefore this pose indirectly connects to our sexual intimacy. Its an energizing, mild back bend too. So when you are feeling too tired, try a few cobras to open your heart and awaken your sexual energy!

To do cobra:

You can enter cobra after lowering from plank pose, or just get right into on its own. Lie on your belly with your palms facing down, close to your low ribs. Draw your legs together and press the tops of your feet into the floor. Press your hands down evenly as your draw your elbows close to the sides of your body. On an inhale, using the strength of your back, not the force of your hands, lift your chest off the mat and draw your shoulders away from your ears. Gaze slightly in front of your mat to keep your head, neck and spine aligned. This pose comes from your lower back, so release the tension in your glutes. Hold this pose for about 10 seconds, then gently release to the floor. Do three sets of cobra pose.


#4 Utkata Konasana or Goddess pose

Who doesn't want to feel like a goddess in this victory squat? This pose strengthens your glutes, thighs, quads and abdominal muscles. You will feel strength from your insides, out.

To do goddess pose:

Stand at the top of your mat. Step to the right, opening your legs about three feet apart. Turn your heels in and your toes out. Bend your knees until you are in a wide squat and your thighs are parallel to the ground. Ensure that your knees are directly over your ankles so adjust your stance if you need to. Bring your hands to prayer position. Hold here for 5 focused, deep breaths.

#5 Bound angle pose

Baddha Konasana, or bound angle pose, opens up the thighs and groins while increasing blood flow to your genitals.

To do Baddha Konasana:

Sit with your legs out in front of you. Bend your knees, draw your heels as close to your pelvis as possible and bring the soles of your feet together. Allow your knees to open. Always keep the outer edges of your feet planted on the floor. Grasp your big toes with your thumb, index and middle fingers.  Don't force your knees open, rather release the heads of your thigh bones to the floor and your knees will follow. Your pelvis should be in a neutral position and your perineum parallel to the floor. Hold for 1-5 minutes. To release, on an inhale, slowly bring your knees together and straighten your legs out in front of you.

Try these five yoga poses to gain some strength, confidence and better circulation. Do these poses in a row to create a mini yoga sequence that you can do anywhere! Add in some downward facing dogs and child's pose when you need to rest.

Namaste!

Lora is our Editorial intern and resident health nut. When she is not writing or editing, you can find her on her yoga mat, exploring Chicago via bicycle, or hanging out with her wonderful boyfriend and Beagle puppy in their north side apartment. She has a habit of spending too much money on soy lattes and yoga clothes. Find her on Twitter @HoneyNutLo. Have any questions? Email her at Lora@GetLusty.com!

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Why Male Orgasm is Different From Ejaculation (NSFW)

Orgasm October is over and Naked November has come and past. Now, Dick & Dildo December is in full swing! We posted some time ago about how to have multiple orgasms for men that raised a good question among our readers. Specifically, one reader noted [of the article], "Seems they just redefine what an orgasm is for men, and go on just to talk about control." Actually, no. Ejaculation and orgasm aren't the same. Today, we're talking about how they're different.

Brendan debunks any misconceptions you appreciated readers may have about about male orgasms and ejaculation! With lots of research, we have some answers to your perplexing question. This is just part two in our series of the male orgasm, so stay tuned for more articles to come. GetLusty's Brendan White reports.  

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For many men, orgasms and ejaculation are inextricably combined because ejaculation and orgasms seem to happen at the same time.  While this is the often the case, ejaculation and orgasms don't necessarily have to happen at the same time - and don't with a great deal of men.  Both words refer to two separate events that have some associated causes and effects.  Think of a Venn diagram - there are aspects of each category that are mutual and aspects that are completely separate.   

Fleshing out the difference

Before we can dive headlong into the nitty gritty details of male orgasms and ejaculation, it's critical to define the two terms.  The exact definition of an orgasm is heavily contested.  Some clinical definitions are limited to physiology while others extend into the realms of psychology and neurology.  There are rigid definitions that see an orgasm as predominantly physiological: muscular contractions involved during sexual activity, along with changes in heart rate, blood pressure and other factors.  I've also encountered sources that claim orgasms are completely mental while ejaculation is the physical end of things.  While nicely compartmentalizing the two terms, this claim is false!

Orgasm

I believe the most useful definition of an orgasm is somewhere out there in orgasm no-man's land - as a mental state, as a series of physiological and also neurological events.  During an orgasm, brain waves change and certain hormones are released.  Scientific American reports: "Achieving orgasm, brain imaging studies show, involves more than heightened arousal. 

It requires a release of inhibitions engineered by shutdown of the brain’s center of vigilance in both sexes and a widespread neural power failure in females."  Orgasms are controlled by the autonomic nervous system, which operates below the level of consciousness and is responsible for other things like heart rate, digestion, respiratory rate, sexual arousal, and more.  This system, when stimulated enough, triggers an orgasm, which in turn queues ejaculation.

Ejaculation

The definition of ejaculation, on the other hand, is far less ambiguous.  Ejaculation is the strictly physical process of ejecting semen from the male reproductory tract.  If you're still skeptical consider this: some men ejaculate before orgasms, some after.  Some men may not ejaculate at all when they orgasm.  It is not uncommon for orgasms from prostate stimulation to be dry and ejaculate-less.  There are also retrograde ejaculations which occur when semen is redirected to the urinary bladder.  Retrograde ejaculations can be one symptom of a larger medical problem so if you think you are having retrograde ejaculations, do yourself a favor and talk to your doctor.

Conclusion

So lets go over what we uncovered today!  Orgasms are total body responses while ejaculations are more isolated physical events.  While the two can in some cases be mutually exclusive, typically an ejaculation follows an orgasm.   Don't be confused - they are different from each other!  Don't you let anyone tell you differently, just point them to GetLusty for Couples for some proper sex indoctrination.

This is an article by our newly titled Business Outreach intern, Brendan White. Brendan is a Boston University graduate with a passion for all things historical and also all things sex. A recent Boston transplant to Chicago, Brendan has a musical mind and at one point toured the country. When he's not thinking about conquering feudal Japan, chances are he's playing loud Rock N' Roll somewhere with other like minded individuals. When he is not thinking about GetLusty, he's spending time with his exceptionally lovely girlfriend.

 Want to get in touch with Brendan? E-mail him at Brendan@getlusty.com.

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Faking Orgasms? Why & Why Not

Faking an orgasm. Is it ever OK, beneficial and positive? On an editorial note, I'm biased. I believe you should never fake an orgasm. But rather than explain in my own opinion, we'll let Bethany Kibblesmith explain the pro's and con's of faking an orgasm.

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If you’ve ever picked up a “woman’s magazine”, talked sex with a close friend, or seen an episode of “Sex and the City” or "When Harry Met Sally", faking orgasms has likely come up. Magazines often poll their readers often about this, and overwhelmingly readers respond yes. Yes, they’ve faked an orgasm before. In fact, check out the classic scene below detailing Meg Ryan's take on faking orgasms. Meg notes it's the partner who either confirms or denies the fake orgasm.

Rather than talking about a partner's view, we're talking about the person who's faking the orgasm. Now, I have a really strong bias on this issue. I won’t hide how my opinion lies on this one, but I want to fairly present the pros and cons of faking your climax, because this is a complicated issue. There are two sides to the question of faking it, and both should be equally explored.

For the most part, people fall on the side against faking it, but there are pros to stretching your sexual truth. Fake orgasms can do wonders psychologically. You can psyche yourself into an O by pretending you’re actually having one. It can also act as positive feedback for your partner, who can often feel inadequate or unattractive if you have reoccurring difficulty climaxing.

Pro's


Likely, sex does feel good, and by vocalizing in response to the pleasurable stimuli. You’re telling your partner that sex is feeling awesome, and that you value his or her efforts.

It says you are truly enjoying your shared sexual activities, even if the big O is less than genuine. Just because the ending was fake doesn’t make the moans, bites or other sexy responses you have during foreplay and intercourse any less genuine. The orgasm is undeniably part of sex, but that doesn’t lessen the delicious other parts of sex. A fake orgasm can also signal a more natural seeming ending to your sex-having.

Faking your orgasm may also seem like the nicer thing to do. Maybe your sex is hampered by a chaotic, stressful aspect of your life, unrelated to your partner’s actions and your reception of them. Maybe faking it until life calms down and climax comes naturally seems like the best way to get through a rough patch in an otherwise smoking hot sex life. It’s also possible you’re just not feeling especially sexual lately, and while sex feels good, climax isn’t in the cards. It’s no one’s fault, and we’ve all likely been there before.

Con's

This is where the downsides come in. By faking your climax, you aren’t facing or alleviating your difficulties in reaching orgasm. By giving your partner false feedback, you’re putting all kinds of roadblocks in your way. Choosing to fake it is like choosing to give your partner sexual silent treatment. It’s keeping a very important piece of information from the only other person involved in the problem you’re having.

Without communicating the difficulties you’re having, you’re depriving your partner of the opportunity to help you. It also robs you of the chance to learn more about each other sexually, what you like and what feels good to do together. Maybe clitoral stimulation, longer foreplay, a different position or series of position would give you the boost you need to reach orgasm. Your partner can’t read your mind, and faking your orgasm will never improve whatever is preventing you from climaxing.

The other half of my bias against faking it is this: dishonesty is dishonesty, no matter how or why you’re being dishonest.

For me, a fake orgasm is like lying to your partner. It’s hard to say something that will disappoint or hurt your partner, but imagine if you continued having climaxing trouble and come clean after weeks or months. I think you can imagine that’s likely a shitty feeling. If you aren’t communicating your feelings, nothing will get better.

We're very excited to have Bethany Kibblesmith as GetLusty's newest writer. She's passionate about keeping it sexy inside and outside the bedroom in her own relationship and in yours.  

Bethany is twenty-two and an English major. When she isn't scrambling to finish homework, she's with her boyfriend, reading, doing yoga or cooking. She enjoys the finer things in life like, secondhand clothes, warm showers, and socks without holes. She writes plays when she isn't writing for school or GetLusty. And if you meet her she will, without question, make a sex joke at some point. Email her at Bethany@GetLusty.com if you have any questions!

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How To Gauge Your Sexual Temperature

Amy Jo Goddard knows how to empower us! She is an amazing sexual empowerment coach and sexual educator and we absolutely love learning from her.

Amy has written on role play, scheduling sex and continuing sex education. But today, it's all about your sexual temperature. What is that you ask? Well, just like a thermometer measures a fever, Amy is here with ways to help you gauge your sexual needs. 

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Sometimes you get so stuck sexually and you are so used to feeling stuck, you have no way to gauge how or why. I see this a lot with new sex coaching clients and prospects. If a woman has gotten far enough in her process to call me, she at least has some sense that her sexuality needs attention. Sometimes that’s as much as she knows. Figuring out the way into it or how to break it down feels hard and the whole of her sexual issues becomes a series of symptoms with vague ideas of the root causes.

I recently spoke to a woman who described her sexuality as a ball with no handles that just rolls and rolls and she doesn’t know where or how to get a grip on it. I think many people feel this way about sexuality because it’s so big and so many potential issues come up that they do not know where to begin. You can start by taking your own sexual temperature, so to speak. Look at the various key aspects of your sexuality and if you could literally take your temperature, how would the mercury rise and fall?

Your Sexual Temperature Key

Cold

Totally shut down, not happening, needs life-support now!

Lukewarm

On life-support, barely keeping its pulse but trying to survive.

Warm

Things are moving a bit, maybe slowly, maybe not all in the best direction, but there is motion and a will to be in a more healthy place. Throw me a blanket.

Sexual homeostasis

Functioning optimally, this part feels healthy and balanced, in a place of “normalcy”. Right on target.

Overheated

Overall, functioning well and with a lot of energy, but energy is a bit out-of-balance.

Fever

Manic functioning or over-indulgence in this area. Need to reconnect to self and rebalance. Way off your center. Sometimes sexual fever is fun but that’s not what I’m talking about here!

Temperature check 

What are areas of your sexuality where you could apply this? There are many aspects of your sexuality that you want to check in with regularly. For starters, do a temperature check on these seven:

#1 Your sexual body and how you are feeling in your body
#2 Your level of pleasure and joy , both emotional and physical
#3 Your desire and attraction, both the quality and level
#4 Your radiance and excitement-Are you glowing daily?
#5 Your intimate relationships, with self and/or with partners and lovers
#6 Your energy level, overall and sexually
#7 Your sexual and creative expression


Your Sexual Empowerment Assignment

Take a moment with each area and stick in the thermometer and read it honestly. If your temperature is below normal in any of these areas, think about 3 things you could do to breathe life back into this part, starting today.

If you are sexually homeostatic, what are 3 things you love and appreciate about the healthy temperature of this part? And if you are overheated or feverish, what 3 things could you do to recalibrate and re-balance to a place of sexual homeostasis and optimal functioning? Take your sexual temperature regularly and prevent your sexuality from falling to a place of being ignored, neglected, or into total disrepair.

Lovingly cross-posted with permission from Amy's blog here.

Amy Jo Goddard is a sexual empowerment coach, author, and sexuality educator who blogs regularly at www.amyjogoddard.com. She is founder of SPECTRA, a mentorship program to help sexuality professionals make more money doing the sexuality work they are passionate about.

As a David Neagle Certified Miracle of Money coach, Amy Jo helps women and couples create financial abundance, sexual pleasure and create the relationships and lives they desire. She teaches her Women’s Sexually Empowered Life Program in New York City and travels the US teaching courses and speaking at sexuality events. Visit www.amyjogoddard.com to get your free copy of her "Bringing Sexy Back: How to Revitalize a Dwindling Sex Life" audio class! Follow her on @amyjogoddard on Twitter.

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Gents! 3 Must Read Books on Your Sexual Health

Just in time for Dick & Dildo December, gents! You eat properly, get plenty of rest, exercise. Well, your sexual health is just as important—not just for you, but also for your partner. We’ve researched extensively of the best men's health books out there by well respected doctors. These books offer sound advice on everything from increasing sex drive to those other not-so-fun topics that many men have dealt with, but never felt comfortable talking about. Pick one of these books up and have your questions answered. Reading is sexy. Healthy is sexy. Therefore, GetLusty's Stephanie Vanderwall brings you 3 great books to keep you sexually tip-top healthy.

Any other questions? Ask us at reply@getlusty.com.

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#1 Men’s Sexual Health: Fitness For Satisfying Sex

By Barry W. McCarthy, Ph.D. and Michael E. Metz, Ph.D.

Men’s Sexual Health is a breakthrough book about vital and satisfying male sexuality. It presents a new model of male and couple sexuality, which establishes positive, realistic expectations of pleasure and satisfaction, as opposed to the self-defeating traditional demand for perfect intercourse performance.

The authors introduce the new “smart thinking,” focused on an integration of mind and body, which confronts the myths and misunderstandings that limit male sexual growth. The book will help men and women understand how to pursue sexual and relational health as well as overcome sexual problems, with the goal of greater acceptance and satisfaction.

Diane Sollee, founder and director of smartmarriages.com urges: “Women, buy this book! Obviously for the man in your life—after all, its goal is to help him achieve a lifelong, intimate, erotic sex life—but, also to read it yourself. Its straightforward, by-men-for-men approach will give you an inside track, and help you know him, and therefore, love him even better.”

"Men's Sexual Health: Fitness for Satisfying Sex is a remarkable contribution to the field of sex therapy. This book should be on the bookshelf of every sex health and sex education professional. This book is great for adults and older adults, but I get even more excited when I think about giving it to young men who don't have sexual problems yet. The tone is reassuring, and the stance is non-judgmental, but decidedly not wishy-washy. The authors take important positions on a number of topics. Men's Sexual Health is destined to be a classic.” –Aline Zoldbrod, Ph.D., in Contemporary Sexuality

#2 Coping With Premature Ejaculation: How to Overcome PE, Please Your Partner & Have Great Sex

By Barry W. McCarthy, Ph.D. and Michael E. Metz, Ph.D.

It is estimated that 30 million American men have problems with premature ejaculation. This book contains the latest, scientifically based, multidimensional methods for overcoming all types of premature ejaculation and includes a complete relapse prevention program.

Coping With Premature Ejaculation explores a multidimensional, bio-psychological approach to dealing with this problem and strengthening your sexual relationship. This book debunks the myths of male sexual performance and analyzes male sexual desire. In it, you’ll learn about the different types of premature ejaculation and use assessment exercises to find out which you suffer from. The book then offers structured, symptom-specific treatment strategies based on psychological, relational, and physiological techniques. Find out ways to prevent relapse as well as enhance and improve your overall sexual relationship. Designed as a resource for couples, this book is a powerful tool for creating support and positive change in your relationship.

Jean D. Koehler, Ph.D., former president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) lauds: “This is the most comprehensive guide to dealing with premature ejaculation I have ever seen! It addresses subtypes, cognitive, emotional, and behavioral components, medical issues, relapse, and the ever-important influence of the couple’s relationship on the cause and cure of this disorder. Drs. McCarthy and Metz have not only done a great service to couples experiencing this problem, but to sex therapists as well. I will definitely recommend the book to my clients and will incorporate its exercises in my treatment protocol.”

“This is an excellent, easy-to-read self-help book which is unique in that the treatment recommendations are individualized. Upon opening the book and reading the first pages, one immediately knows that two master therapists, with years of experience treating sexual problems, wrote this book. In a nutshell, this book is a gem.”
—Robert Segraves, M.D., Ph.D., author, Sexual Pharmacology, professor of Psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University, and editor, The Journal of Sex and Martial Therapy

“I can't say enough about this book. It's well written and takes you through the different types of PE problems. It also gives you ways to solve the PE problems. My wife is very supportive and I think this book has brought us closer together because we talked about things we haven't talked about before. There are great "couples" sections in this book to discuss. Through doing the exercises in the book I've gone from 2-3 minutes to 30 minutes in about 3 weeks time. Really, really AWESOME!!!” –Very Satisfied Amazon Reader

#3 Penis Power: The Ultimate Guide to Male Sexual Health

By Dudley Seth Danoff, M.D.

In this revolutionary guide to male sexual potency, urological surgeon Dr. Dudley S. Danoff talks candidly to men and their partners about the topics they are often too embarrassed to discuss with their doctors. Dr. Danoff debunks common myths about male sexual anatomy, including questions about penis size, stamina, and libido. Drawing upon case histories from his thirty-plus years of medical practice, he presents detailed information and practical solutions regarding issues that affect most men at some point in their lives, including: erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, performance anxiety, sexually transmitted diseases, prostate and testicular cancer.

In chapters like "Maximize Your Penis Power," "How to Become a Superpotent Man," and "What Women Need to Know," readers will learn how to extend sex, delay ejaculation, and boost confidence in the bedroom--banishing stress and making sex a better experience for both men and women. Penis Power is a user's guide to the male anatomy and the male mind. It's essential reading to anyone who has a penis or loves someone who does.

Leo A. Gordon, M.D., associate director of surgical education at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center describes Penis Power as “a probing and entertaining analysis of the mysteries, legends, and misconceptions surrounding the organ that has preoccupied the world ever since Eve bit the apple!”

Joe Weider, bodybuilder, fitness guru, and publisher of Men’s Fitness magazine called it, “a must read for all men who care about their physical and sexual health.”

“Particularly if you are a guy, this is a must read; it should be required reading at some point in our human development. Like it or not, the connections between our penises and our brains are an essential fact of our being; I am now convinced of that. Dr. Danoff speaks to us in a way that is easily understood, drawing on thousands of case studies in his practice. This book could save many guys (and perhaps women as well) thousands of dollars on drugs, procedures, and psychotherapy.” –Amazon Customer

Speaking of sexual health, have you 'Liked' GetLusty on Facebook yet? Have you followed us on Twitter yet? We're @getlusty there. We're also on Pinterest and Tumblr, too!

Stephanie has long believed she is a gay man trapped in a woman's body. She is a lover of good food, good sex and good grammar. A recent transplant to Chicago, she spends her free time with her super-duper-fly boyfriend and their three "kids" (2 cats, 1 dog). She has a blog she writes in every so often. She's still trying to get the whole Twitter thing down, but you can follow her @Vanderfloozie. Want to get in touch with her? Email stephanie@getlusty.com.

You have read this article books / erectile dysfunction / fitness / libido / men's health / penis size / premature ejaculation / satisfying sex / sexual health / stamina / STDs with the title sexual health. You can bookmark this page URL https://tangocupcakees.blogspot.com/2012/12/gents-3-must-read-books-on-your-sexual.html. Thanks!